Friday, September 5, 2008

I had a shitty morning.


No, really. It was shitty. As in literally covered in shit. Like poop shit. Yea, I know...gross!
I bet you're just aching to know what I'm talking about. More likely NOT. But it makes me happy to pretend you care about what I may or may not have been doing at any given point through out my day.

Anyway, as I have mentioned before, I work in a pharmacy. Boring at best. Not today! This AM was anything but boring. Gross. Smelly. FUCKING nuts! wrong on SOOOO many levels. And in a sick kind of way....a little funny.

I'm doing my daily crap. Just like any other day, filling scripts, answering phones, shooing off candy seekers etc when the store manager comes to the pharmacy looking a bit pale, and he's a black guy so its tough to go pale. He and I are close friends, so when he said he needed to show me something I assumed it was another dirty e-mail or some raunchy pic. I've become one of the guys so he knows those things don't bother me. But he starts walking me towards the bathrooms...ummmmm, OK?
The mens room?! What? He opens the door and the smell hit me. Shit. Yes poop. OK, its a bathroom, they sometimes smell like shit. It happens. Heh. But it shouldn't have happened this way.
It.
was.
Everywhere.
EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE!!
Oh, for the love of everything that is good and decent!
Toilet. Sink. Garbage. Floor. Walls. Handles.
Any place you can think of in a bathroom, had poo on it. I think the only 2 things that were "clean" were the urinal and the mirror.

Ahhhhhh!!

Apparently, Mac walked into the mens room to find an old man standing at the sink washing his fundies. Yes. he was washing his shitty underwear in the sink of a public bathroom. Ack!! So, Mac walks in and just kinda stops. The guy turns around, and says "hey, hows it going?".


*Whaaaaat?! OK, picture it....you've just shit yourself out in public. Not a good scenario to begin with, but do you make it worse by going into the stores bathroom to "clean" yourself up? Uh NO! You get the hell outta Dodge, and drag you shitty ass home to do that!! Not this guy though. Nooooo, he apparently has entirely to much shopping to do. So he figured he'd just go right on in there to do a little damage control. HA!! I dont know if he went into a grand maul seizure while trying to take his shit filled underwear off or what, but whatever he did COVERED the bathroom.
And he not only made eye contact with a person, not just any person...a STORE MANAGER, but he tried to exchange pleasantries! You cannot under any circumstances try to make small talk with a person whos bathroom you have just covered in your shit. And you most certainly cannot make small talk with a starnger while washing your shit filled underwear in a public bathroom sink!! You just cant do it. Its wrong.*

I guess Mac just couldn't handle the situation. It was to much. He bailed. And went to get Goose. Who came and got me. Oh joy.

I left, told him he was on his own and went on my merry way back to my clean poo-free pharmacy. And thats where I stayed. Until Goose( friend) came looking for me. And he brought Mac(another store manager) with him.

Goose stood there before me holding a bottle of bleach, gloves, a box of masks and an industrial size roll of paper towels. He looked pitiful. He said only this:

"help me. Please?"

Oh! You bastard!! You give me the puppy dog face, and you look all upset like you're going to hurk all over my shoes. You know I'll help you. Jerk.

And so I did, I spent the better part of my morning bleaching shit out of the mens bathroom at work. Top to bottom, that place is sanitized. The boys stood by watching, and commenting about what a great gal I am for saving them. And what a trooper I am. Gee thanks guys. They have said that they are forever in debt to me now. So, thats good. Always nice to have 2 grown men at my beck and call.

9 comments:

Stace said...

All I can say is... "uhhh..." That is the strangest thing I have ever read. Haha... but now you do have the guys at your service, so I guess it worked out... kind of. :)

PJ said...

Oh my gawd, I'd have completely made it worse by probably puking from having to have contact with it!

I hope you get a raise.

Murgdan said...

Gross. I'm an ER nurse. I know all about shit. Gross. Just gross. I'm so glad I went back to school to get off shit-duty. Gross.

Elfie33 said...

OMG...you did have a shitty morning for sure..gross, gross, gross. We have folks come in and use our bathroom too..and have had simalar problems. But unlike you I didn't clean it up...I locked the door and put a Hazardous sign on it...LOL These guys owe you big time...

Megs said...

I commend you. I would have hurled and not been able to help clean it up. Well, it actually sounds as though you did most of the cleaning...and yes, they owe you big time. Definitely time for a bit of a raise ;). Yuck!

womb for improvement said...

I've heard a few shit stories in my time and this is up there! (My favourite, if I can use that word, was a mate on the underground saw a smartly be-suited man pull his trousers down just enough to expose his buttocks and lay a turd right there in front of everyoe). Why Sarah? Why?

Jen said...

What is it about pharmacies? I worked at a retail pharmacy in college, and some old lady shit her pants, then continued to walk THE ENTIRE STORE and track her shit down every aisle except 2.

I did NOT help clean it up.

I mean, at least rip open a package of Depends, or chug some liquid cork and pay for it later if you are going to shit yourself.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

There goes my dinner....


well, the chocolate mousse for dessert at least...

Jane G said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! There are no other words, sorry!