I had a shitty morning.

No, really. It was shitty. As in literally covered in shit. Like poop shit. Yea, I know...gross!
I bet you're just aching to know what I'm talking about. More likely NOT. But it makes me happy to pretend you care about what I may or may not have been doing at any given point through out my day.

Anyway, as I have mentioned before, I work in a pharmacy. Boring at best. Not today! This AM was anything but boring. Gross. Smelly. FUCKING nuts! wrong on SOOOO many levels. And in a sick kind of way....a little funny.

I'm doing my daily crap. Just like any other day, filling scripts, answering phones, shooing off candy seekers etc when the store manager comes to the pharmacy looking a bit pale, and he's a black guy so its tough to go pale. He and I are close friends, so when he said he needed to show me something I assumed it was another dirty e-mail or some raunchy pic. I've become one of the guys so he knows those things don't bother me. But he starts walking me towards the bathrooms...ummmmm, OK?
The mens room?! What? He opens the door and the smell hit me. Shit. Yes poop. OK, its a bathroom, they sometimes smell like shit. It happens. Heh. But it shouldn't have happened this way.
It.
was.
Everywhere.
EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE!!
Oh, for the love of everything that is good and decent!
Toilet. Sink. Garbage. Floor. Walls. Handles.
Any place you can think of in a bathroom, had poo on it. I think the only 2 things that were "clean" were the urinal and the mirror.

Ahhhhhh!!

Apparently, Mac walked into the mens room to find an old man standing at the sink washing his fundies. Yes. he was washing his shitty underwear in the sink of a public bathroom. Ack!! So, Mac walks in and just kinda stops. The guy turns around, and says "hey, hows it going?".


*Whaaaaat?! OK, picture it....you've just shit yourself out in public. Not a good scenario to begin with, but do you make it worse by going into the stores bathroom to "clean" yourself up? Uh NO! You get the hell outta Dodge, and drag you shitty ass home to do that!! Not this guy though. Nooooo, he apparently has entirely to much shopping to do. So he figured he'd just go right on in there to do a little damage control. HA!! I dont know if he went into a grand maul seizure while trying to take his shit filled underwear off or what, but whatever he did COVERED the bathroom.
And he not only made eye contact with a person, not just any person...a STORE MANAGER, but he tried to exchange pleasantries! You cannot under any circumstances try to make small talk with a person whos bathroom you have just covered in your shit. And you most certainly cannot make small talk with a starnger while washing your shit filled underwear in a public bathroom sink!! You just cant do it. Its wrong.*

I guess Mac just couldn't handle the situation. It was to much. He bailed. And went to get Goose. Who came and got me. Oh joy.

I left, told him he was on his own and went on my merry way back to my clean poo-free pharmacy. And thats where I stayed. Until Goose( friend) came looking for me. And he brought Mac(another store manager) with him.

Goose stood there before me holding a bottle of bleach, gloves, a box of masks and an industrial size roll of paper towels. He looked pitiful. He said only this:

"help me. Please?"

Oh! You bastard!! You give me the puppy dog face, and you look all upset like you're going to hurk all over my shoes. You know I'll help you. Jerk.

And so I did, I spent the better part of my morning bleaching shit out of the mens bathroom at work. Top to bottom, that place is sanitized. The boys stood by watching, and commenting about what a great gal I am for saving them. And what a trooper I am. Gee thanks guys. They have said that they are forever in debt to me now. So, thats good. Always nice to have 2 grown men at my beck and call.