A quick update:

I went in on the 12th for a cyst check, and whadda ya know...they were gone. So I stopped the birth control (woo!) and started the gonal-f again on the 16th. They are keeping me on exactly the same dose as last time. Which is kinda frustrating because A.) I was under the impression we were going to tweak it a bit and B.) IT DIDN'T WORK LAST TIME! WHY ARE WE DOING THE SAME THING?? But, I guess they know what they are doing. (pffft!) This is my last shot with an IUI before moving on to IVF. I'd kinda hoped I'd never have to bring that acronym into my vocabulary. IVfuckingF. Blah.

I'll be very honest, I've got NO faith in this cycle. I mean, everything just feels off. My vagina for one...has been out of commission for a looooong time. Between the crinone and then my period and then the birth control which makes me bleed and then stopping the birth control which gave me another (super fucking early) period...gah! We're talking over a month. A freakin month! Thats a long ass time to have an out of order sign tacked to your business. I'm so ready to take back control of my va jay jay! Please and thank you!

So...thats about it.

Oh, and I hate my fucking job. Anyone want to hire me to be their bitch? Cause I am Sooooooooo over Walgreens. Did you know they can censor your outside life? Yea. They can. Well, they can try anyway. Thank fucking god, no one at work knows about this blog. Actually very few people IRL know about it.

Bottom line, Walgreens is one giant gaping asshole. They do not give a shit about their employees. And I hate them.

*the opinions on this page are not necessarily those of the Walgreens corp*

Ha! Take that, Mr.Walgreens in the sky. Asshole.

Want to help a fellow infertile?

Heres how. Bonnie and Kyle are adopting a child. As I'm sure you can imagine, adoption is fucking expensive! So, Bon has been raffling off some pretty awesome shit (I missed the coach bag one...so pissed!) and tickets are only $5.00 each.

If you'd like to check it out, visit them at their adoption raffle page.

If you dont see something that interests you, check back...she does it every week.

Thank you, that is all.

Whats this? Two posts in one day? Oh my....

Courtney over at When I least Expected It made me smile today. And smiles are hard to come by right now. So, thank you Courtney. I kinda <3 you

Why am I thanking her? Well because she gave me an award. I NEVER get awards! And? She likes that I say fuck a lot. I guess I kinda do, huh?


Here are the rules for the award:
Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

Uhhhh...interesting facts about me? Can we define interesting, please?

Hmmmm....

1.) I met my husband on myspace. Yea...I know, I hate myself too. He sent me some cheesy message about my eyes being beautiful, and we just started talking.

2.) I was in hair dressing school for a little while. Wanna know the main reason I quit? I HATE wet hair touching my hands. Not like I cant wash my hair or anything, but I hate when wet hair gets wrapped around my fingers. I freaks me the fuck out.

3.) I have texture issues. Certain textures literally make me gag. If I have a snag on one of my nails and it catches on a piece of fabric....dry heaves. Its bad.

4.) I judge people CONSTANTLY. I mean all the freakin time. I try not to, but I just cant stop myself.

5.) I used to be a welder. Yes, me. I welded rebar cages for septic tanks. *cue flash dance music*

6.) I dont think I can go one full day without saying "fuck" Its my favorite word. And it just goes so well with everything.

7. I want very badly to go to school for mortuary science. Yup, I want to be a mortician. Interesting, huh?

And now, I tag 7 peeps....

Kelley, because she is one sassy bitch! And she doesnt mind my potty mouth.

My little Bon-Bon, because she is one tough bitch! And she doesnt mind my potty mouth.

Amber, because she takes some of the most amazing photos, one talented bitch! And shes crafty too. And her kids are freakin adorable. And she doesnt mind my potty mouth.

PJ, because she is a warrior! And? She totally doesnt mind my potty mouth!

Lea, because she is always there to leave me comforting words. And does she mind my potty mouth? Fuck no.

Miss April, because I just kinda <3 her. She too has been a reader for quite some time...also? I just want to smoosh her little boy! he is just sooo sweet! And April doesnt care that I swear like a trucker either.

Liz, because she makes me laugh, and she totally gets it. She definitely doesnt mind my potty mouth

Depression? I has it....

Its like all of a sudden, EVERYTHING has caught up to me...no...more like plowed over me, backed up and run me over again, done a few K turns and then put it in park. I'm clearly upset about the last cycle not working. And now? I'm on birth control. Mind fuck anyone? I'm trying to have a baby, and I'm on birth control. *sigh* Yea, I know b/c is par for the course after a failed stim cycle...but it still fucking sucks.

And as if THAT wasn't enough...I just found out how much we owe for taxes. And its a lot. Far more than we have, thats for fucking sure. Shit, fuck.

So, please consider this my two week notice...

I am done being an adult. I. fucking. quit. You've got two weeks to find and train a replacement. Good luck with that.

14DPO

And its over.

I started spotting last night. And its heavier today. *sigh* Its over.

I cant believe it didn't work. Again. I'm devastated. And I am 100% dreading doing this again. All the injections, all the horrible blood draws (my poor arms are just now back to normal), missing time at work ( so far, my boss is being decent...who knows how long thats going to last for though) and the crinone...oh goddess, the crinone. My poor vagina.

I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm angry, oh so angry....

Why didn't it work? Why??

I just put the call into my clinic to report CD1. So, I'll probably have to go in tomorrow or Sunday for a baseline and blood draw. And as long as there are no "left over follicles", I'll move forward with the cycle. And if there is? Fucking birth control. Which I LOATH. It makes me have breakthrough bleeding. My body, the useless whore that she is...has been put through hell, and for nothing. Nothing!!

...I just talked to one of the nurses at the clinic, I'm scheduled for 7:30 tomorrow. She is changing the crinone to endometrium suppositories. Thank goddess!! I'll try anything if it means no more crinone.