...I dont know what I want to be when I grow up.
There. I said it. I. Have. NO. Direction. Like fucking noooooone.
I just know that I'm meant to do something different. What that thing is, I havent the foggiest clue. But I know I need something more in my life. Dont get me wrong, I love being a makeup artist. However, I know realistically its not going to go anywhere impressive. I'm alright at what I do, but I'm not amazing. I dont see this taking off and being some whirlwind career.
How the fuck do people just KNOW what they want to do?? I mean really? .
Theres a lot of things in my life that I hate or would give anything to change, but I cant. I feel like my job/career should be one of the things I CAN change. But I'm stuck. Like where do I start?!
Someone asked me what I'm passionate about.....
....um......I.....hmmmmmm....I dont know. What AM I passionate about?? I'm a passionate person, I feel very deeply about a lot of things, I love passionately....but what the fuck am I passionate about?
I got nuttin. Do I really have no passions? Add that to the list of things that need addressing.. The list is getting quite long.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a nurse. 4 years of being a CNA changed that. I wanted to be a vet too, but I think every kid wants to do that at some point. I wanted to be in the Army, but then I got married and had my son. Now they wont take me because I'm a single mother. I wanted to be a police officer really badly, but I couldnt convince myself to leave Monkey so I could go to the academy. Now, I'm 32 and out of shape. And lets be honest....they probably dont want me either. I've got a less than sparkling past.
I recently considered going to school for mortuary science. And then realized theres a whole lotta fuckin school involved in that shit. I hate school. I'm not quite the scholarly type. But, lets pretend I got my head out of my ass and decided to just suck it up and go back to school...how the fuck am I supposed to do THAT and work and be mom? How is that even possible? I know it must be, I just cant figure out the logistics...
I gotta do SOMETHING. I cant stay where I am and how I am for much longer.
Its gotten old.