Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Devil wears spandex.

He does. Seriously. And his name is Billy Blanks. That is one sick and twisted man, and I'm certain he was trying to off me last night. Ha ha fucker face, you failed. Mostly.

Holy crap, did that work out kick my ass though! I couldn't keep up with those anorexic bitches he had with him either. I slacked, I had to. If I had actually tried to keep pace with them, I'm certain I wouldn't be here writing this right now. I toned it back a bit, but I still got one hell of a work out. Like uber sweaty, red in the face, ohmygodkillmenow type cardio work out.
Thankfully the only one that witnessed all of this was my 8 year old, who felt the need to correct my form when kicking. I almost threw him out of the room until he started bashing the waifs on the T.V. I decided he could stay after he told me they were so thin that they were creepy. Smart boy! They were seriously gross. I don't EVER want to be that thin. I like having curves, and these women were like skin and bones. And NO boobs! Fuck that noise. I like my boobs.

There was this one chic up in the front row, that was so thin that every time she moved I thought her hip bone was going to poke through the skin. Ew. And, she was wearing these spandexish blue work out pants...by about 1/2 way through the work out she was sweating so much that she looked like she had pissed her pants. Maybe she did, who knows. What I do know is I was very distracted by her ever growing crotch sweat she had going on. Once again, EW! Note to self, don't wear blue pants when sweating.

After I did the DVD, I lifted weights and was fully expecting to wake up paralyzed this AM. I was quite surprised to be only a little sore. So my sister and I went for another 2 mile walk.
Tomorrow I will do the other work out DVD I bought, Jillean from "The biggest loser". Lets see how bad she kicks my ass.

I'm hell bent!! I will lose weight.

15 comments:

Chelsea Lietz said...

Smart kid! Curves (and boobs) are hot! Sounds like quite a work out...

Sarah said...

Chelsea- I know right! Thank goddess he doesnt look at those freakishly thin women and think THATS attractive.

Casey said...

ooh..Jillian scares me. Badly. And yes, keep the curves because bony girls are gross!

PJ said...

Good for you!

Sarah said...

Casey- She scares me too. And I agree, bony girls are the yuck!

PJ- Yea, go me! :)

Amber said...

I love the crotch sweat part...I had a similar experience when we were practising breathing excercises and fake contractions at our lamaze class....a couple in our class were getting into it...he was actually "ahhing" when he had the clothespin on his ear...so I was in histerics anyway. Then I noticed she had a big wet spot in the crotch if her biking shorts. I lost it...my husband was shushing me, but I just couldn't help it.

Keep up the great work!

Lea said...

Ew, just ew!

You are doing awesome!!! You are an inspiration. :)

Megs said...

Hehe...that's about the reaction that I had after my first night of the Devil who wears Spandex :) Im a slacker though. It has been for-e-ver since I opened one of his DVD's. I even have one that is titled "Tank Top Arms, Bikini Belly, and Boy Shorts Bottom". Hmmm....I suck at working out...lol

Organic Meatbag said...

Hey, nice blog!
Yes, I actually attempted to work out to a Billy Blanks video once too... and like you, if I had tried to keep place, my heart would have exploded like an old tire...
I think I damn near tore my hamstring about 6 minutes into it and said "fuck it"...

Gwen said...

I've never done Billy Blanx workouts but some workout tapes I've done have really kicked my ass. I'm so proud of you as I'm sure you're proud of yourself. I need to get back to working out myself. It always feels so good. Well, afterwards anyway :)

April said...

Ooh I have a love/hate relationship with Billy Blanks. I LOVE his workouts but I HATE them at the same time! LOL That's the one workout I can do and sweat like a linebacker. ALthough thankfully I've never made a big sweaty-crotch-mark on my pants.

Rassles said...

I do not know who that man is, but I have a feeling that I would not like him.

Sarah said...

Megs- I'm pretty sure I hate him. I think his workouts will only be once a week, and I'll stick to the other (less brutal) DVD and walking.

Gwen- I hate working out. I hate dieting. But, I also hate being fat. So whats a girl to do? Get healthy and exercise. Meh.

April- I have no love for Billy Blanks. I was sweating like a whore in church. He is the devil. In spandex.

Rass- I'm certain you wouldnt.

Sarah said...

Meatbag- Thanks for reading! I think I actually died about 20 minutes into the workout and just didnt have the good sense to fall down.

Just Caz said...

I tagged you for an award!