I've also started walking. My sister and I walked over two miles this morning, and I've cut my caloric intake dramatically. I cant be fat anymore. Seriously, its not OK for someone my height to weigh as much as I do.
I look in the mirror and I want to scream, I walk past pictures of me from 3 years ago, and it makes me sad. And so, I need to do something.
This is the reason I canceled my appointment for today. I cant bear the thought of gaining more weight. At this rate, if I were to actually get pregnant, and given the fact that I will most likely have gestational diabetes again...I could easily get close to 200lbs. Just writing that makes me want to cry.
And so, due to my fat ass, I will not be seeing my new RE until I lose a lot of weight. Like at least 30lbs. Say what you will, I already know I'm pretty. I do, really. I am a very pretty woman. But I'm still fat. And I need to change that. I've allowed myself to become this way.
I am angry with myself for becoming the fat wife. I know my husband doesn't like the way I look now, and that makes me incredibly sad. I've managed to make myself unappealing to the one adult I love more than myself. How sad is that?
So...here we are again. On a diet. Forcing myself to exercise. I will stick to it this time, even if it kills me. Which it might.
That or I'll get arrested for stealing someones sandwich, cause let me tell you, I. Am. Starving. I'm afraid at any moment I am going to have a psychotic break and black out only to wake up a few hours later covered in mayo and surrounded by subway wrappers. And not the 6 inch ones either.
Wish me luck. So far, I'm doing alright. Not feeling to freaked out yet. I don't know how long thats gonna last though.
Raging hungry bitch really isn't a personality trait I strive for. Hopefully my body will cooperate.