Hope everyone's Easter went well, MINE was....hmmm, interesting to say the least. No, actually it was complete madness! First of all, I didn't have my son with me, its his fathers holiday to have him. So that took most of the fun out of Easter for me, I did get to do the morning thing with him before he was picked up, so that was good. He was very excited that the Easter bunny did in fact make it to our house. However the stupid bunny forgot to hide the eggs, oops. He got over it.
So, because my monkey wasnt home I thought I'd get a bit of organizing done..woo-hoo! Good times let me tell you. I wont bore you with those details don't worry.
Then I went to my parents, this is when the tripe began. First, my mother decided to pick a fight with,saying I was homophobic because I didn't want to watch Broke back mountain.
I am so NOT homophobic!!
I just dont want to watch the damn movie!! You would think that was the end of it..but noooo she actually wanted to pursue the issue. I tried to explain to her that I was in no way shape or form homophobic, she wanted no part of it. So I got indignant, and with just cause if you ask me...Statements like that piss me off. I calmly went outside to have a smoke(I fell off the wagon a bit today) As I was heading outside, I hear her say to my sister, "she better get rid of her fucking attitude!" Now this pissed me off even more. The only reason I had an attitude at all was because of her ridiculous statements!! So I of course spoke right up and told her if she had something to say to me, then she should say it to me(thats one of my pet peeves!) And I went outside, and got over it. But when I came back in there was a lot of tension in the room, no one wanted to talk...and all I could think of was this skit that Dane cook does when the audience gets too quiet..something about it being a good atmosphere, kinda like when Daddy hits Mommy at the dinner table and everyones still trying to eat like nothing happened...its better when he does it..but my sister and I burst out laughing(I HAD to tell her) And this pissed my mom off even more.
Which made us laugh even harder.
And it went on like this for a good 20 minutes or so, we would laugh, she got madder, then it got to the point where we couldn't stop laughing, mom finally gave up and called us assholes while trying not to crack a grin. We won! But the madness didnt stop there.
My mom has two dogs, both of which have mastered the art of begging. Well apparently Abby got a little to close to my sister while she was eating, and Diana( my sister) poked her with her fork, the dog screamed, my mom screamed and I dropped the food I holding. I was sitting across from her and I saw the whole thing go down, we aren't talking about a little poke, there was driving force behind it! The dog is fine for all you animal lovers out there. The look on Dianas face was priceless, like "wha? Did I do something wrong?" After, we concluded that the dog was okay, I asked why she had done that...she just looked at me with a blank look. So I of course being the smart ass I am asked if it was because the dog was gay. ( a little dig for my mom) I then stated that it was clearly a hate crime that had just happened. This caused an uproar! We all laughed hard. But there is more..
I dont know how it happened, but somehow Diana ended up accidentally punching my mom in the stomach, and to demonstrate what had happened, guess who got punched? You got it...me, except I got a shot to the kidney! My family is nuts! NUTS I say! All the while that this craziness is going on my Dads just sitting there shaking his head, I'm pretty sure I heard him say "goddamn assholes" once or twice.
There was so much more but I dont even have the energy to write it all down. I'm worn out from my Easter madness!
Have a good one!