I've decided not to tell the monkey about the surgery until its all said and done. I don't want him to be worrying all day at school. I think its for the best. He is a very sensitive little boy.
I am set to arrive at the hospital by 7:30am Monday morning and be in surgery for 9:00am. Way to give me plenty of time to stress and panic guys! I mean seriously. I am panic stricken as it is. I am so friggin stressed out about all of this shit that I have developed this feeling in my throat almost as if I haven't quite swallowed a pill all the way. I attribute this to acid reflux. Fuck me. I am having daily headaches. I'm just sick of this. *sigh* Oh well. And now I will have an hour and a half to sit in the hospital and panic even further. Not cool. I wish I liked taking medication, I would ask for some xanax. However I HATE the way all those meds make me feel. So basically I'm screwed. And not in the fun way either.
You know how you hear those stories about people who fell and broke their leg only to find out that they have cancer....or got in a car accident, and once in the hospital for that found they have a tumour.....I have this awful feeling something like that is going to happen to me. I just cant shake it. Its scaring the shit out of me. I am so very worried. I keep trying to be positive and think about good things but those awful thoughts keep coming back. Oh look more panic. ugh. I just need this to be over with, and I need me to be OK.
And I need to figure out some stress management. I am WAY more stressed out with my life than can possibly be healthy.