This is for the guy I watched trying to catch a ride yesterday.
Listen, I'm sorry you don't have a car. Maybe yours broke down. Maybe your ex-wife took it. Whatever the reason is, I'm sure it sucks. I know I would be lost without my car, even though its a POS, its mine and it gets me to where I need to go. You don't seem to have that luxury.
I watched you sticking your thumb out at oncoming traffic, and I feel you could use a few pointers.
First, it would be most beneficial if you could try, just try to look a bit less like a serial killer/rapist. Really. People might be slightly less inclined to speed up, and lock their doors when passing you. What makes you look like a serial killer/rapist? Well, there is something about your attire that sets me at least, on edge.
The dirty jeans. Not dirty like you just worked a long hard day dirty, but dirty like you've been wearing the same jeans for a few days dirty. Like maybe you've been hiding out type dirty.
The ratty, full of holes red t-shirt with some sort of cartoonish picture on it, covered by the jean jacket that looked like it had a picture of a polar bear on the back...well, its weird. Grown men don't typically wear jean jackets with cartoon polar bears on it. Just the crazy ones. And honestly, the denim suit doesn't work well. For anyone. I'm just sayin.
Your long grey hair, cut it. You look like a kid toucher. Who is going to stop for someone that looks like a kid toucher? I submit, that no one will. Again, I'm just sayin.
Secondly, try smiling. I realize you're probably not happy that you are walking to where ever it is that you're walking. But still, a smile does wonders. Not a smirk or a sneer. I said a smile. Try something that conveys "hi there folks, I'm really a decent guy, I just don't have a car. Could you please help me out?" The look on your face didn't say that. What I perceived from your face was "Stop the car, I need a ride. And you look dumb enough to give it to me. Once I get you alone, I'm going to take you down a dirt road and shave your head. Because I'm a whack job in a denim suit. And once you're hairless I'm going to do terrible things to you with my foot." I'm sorry friend, but thats not going to get you a ride. Unless an equally as disturbed person happens upon you. In that case, I wish you both the best of luck with your head shaving and foot fucking.
And last but not least. Once again, I realize you're not happy about your current circumstances. I get it, really. But giving people the finger or yelling at them once they have driven by, well, its in bad taste. After all, you are the skeevy guy on the side of the road wearing a denim suit, begging people for a ride. What makes you think they have to stop? Like they owe you something. I can assure you they don't. You're lucky they don't throw something at you. I would, if I had driven by and you flipped me off. Lucky for you, I got to watch all of this from my porch while having a cigarette.
If I see you tomorrow, I might give this to you. Unless you're wearing the same clothes. In which case, I can only assume that you are in fact a serial rapist of some sort, and you've been hiding in the woods waiting for your next opportunity to con some motorist into giving you a ride. I'll probably throw something at you. Just so you know.
**a little side note, when googling 'hitchhiker pictures', beware of gay porn. Because apparently, all hitchhikers are either teenage sluts, or gay men.**