Monday, August 10, 2009

Mom says not in the face!

So I'm laying in bed last night(not really. It was more like 1am), trying desperately to fall asleep...and I hear my cat Pandora doing this weird "mrooooooow" noise in the hall way. She was getting really loud. Louder than I've heard her meow before. Ugh. Stupid cat.

Me(in a loud whisper): Pan! Shut up!


Me(grumbling): Bitch.

So I lay there for a few minutes listening to her noises and then she stops. Thank goddess.
I close my eyes and try to drift off. Its pitch black in the bedroom because my husband likes it that way.
I hear Pan come into the room, and I open my eyes. Yes, I can hear better in the dark if my eyes are open. Shes making a new noise, but I cant tell what shes doing. So I lay there in the dark listening. It sounds like she is at the foot of the bed, on the floor messing with something. I ignore it for about 5 minutes and then the noises start to get louder. This weird lip smacking noise (if cats had lips!). I sit up so I can hear better, and throw my pillow towards the foot of the bed(bad idea in hindsight.)

Me(A little louder but still a whisper): Pan! Knock it off!

Pan: Om nom nom nom!

Now my cats have been know to eat some weird shit. Plants, dead leaves, hair ties...etc. So I didn't immediately hop out of bed to see what she was trying to hoark down. But the noise. Ack! The noise she was making was driving me insane! So I jumped out of bed trying to scare her out of the room, and that little bitch growled at me!

Me(not whispering any more): Oh hell no!

Pan: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! <------thats her, "I'm not fuckin around don't you dare come near me" growl. And then the little bitch took off. I flipped the light switch on just in time to see her hauling furry ass down the stairs. With something very tiny in her mouth, and Tom(our other cat) in hot pursuit. Me:Shit shit shit! K! Help....Pans got....uh...something that I think is alive!!

We finally got her cornered downstairs under the dinging room table and I could make out the body of a very tiny mouse hanging out of her mouth. Like itty bitty baby mouse. *shudder*

Me: Get her! Grab her by her stupid fucking neck!

Now, our cats have never hurt any mouse they have ever caught. Not even in the old place when they were catching them all the time. They always just batted them around and played with them. Usually we corner the cat, take the mouse away and set it free outside.

Not this time.

K: Got her! Pan! Drop it!! *shakes the cat*

Me: Ohhhhhhhh, its just a baby. I hope she didn't hurt it. Look how tiny.....AHHHHHHH!!! Holy shit, she chewed its fucking face off! Bad cat! You stupid, mean cat!

K: What the......

Me: Its fucking face is gone!

Pan: Lunges back at the faceless mouse.

Me: Nooooo!! Jesus, didn't you feed her today!?

K grabbed the cat, and I got mouse duty. I picked it up by the tail, trying really hard to not look at it. Which by the way, is impossible to do when you're trying to make sure you don't get chewed up face guts on yourself or your rug. And took it outside. K told me to fling it over the fence, but I was afraid to get to much flinging momentum going for fear that some bodily fluid would fly out of its face hole at me. So I just kinda lobbed it gently. And did a little shriek. Ugh.

I didn't end up getting to sleep until well after 2am. I kept seeing a faceless baby mouse every time I closed my eyes.

Stupid face chewing cat.


Amber said...

That's rough. Especially since you had to touch it...

Sarah said...

Amber- Blech! Tell me about it!

Kahla said...

Oh Lord, I would have thrown up. Poor little mouse. We have two cats and have yet to experience that, but a couple of weekends ago we were cleaning out the garage so I could actually, one day, hypothetically park in there. We've lived in this house for 18 months now and somehow have managed to pass this task up time and time again. Anyway, there was a ton of crap in there and we were moving stuff when my husband sees proof of a mouse (if you know what I mean, I'm sure you do). I make the comment that I hope it's back outside and doesn't come lunging at us... bad comment. A few minutes later my husband proclaims he had found it. Poor little thing had gotten in a garbage can (the small kind w/the lids that flip around) and never got out... was now deteriorating. Ewwwwww and what a horrible death. We both felt bad and I refused to look. Garbage can went bye bye, I figured I'd just buy a new one. Gross.

womb for improvement said...

Ewww, face off.

Sarah said...

Kahla- Not much makes me throw up. I'm pretty good about stuff like that. I just felt terrible. It was just a tiny little baby mouse...

WFI- Yea, it was pretty harsh.

Chelsea Lietz said...

I thought for sure you were going to say that your cat was in labor. What's better... a faceless mouse or a (surprise!)messy litter of kittens on your carpet?

Casey said...

Omg, i can not help but giggle at this post. It is disgusting, don't get me wrong. I would have thrown up and killed the cat, not necessarily in that order. But just the mental picture of the chaos that surrounded the entire ordeal made me smile, and I need that these days.

Kansas said...

aw, gross! I thought the same thing as Chelsea Leitz. Gag!

Sarah said...

Chelsea- I would TOTALLY take the litter of kittens over the baby mouse missing its face!

Casey- In hindsight its pretty amusing. That night however, not so fucking much. lol

Kansas- Heh. I wish. PS...still cant comment on your blog. Just saying....=)

Heather T said...

awwww...poor baby mouse! that is not a good way to end a night...i love cats, but not when they do dumb things like that...ours used to wake us up by sucking on our ear...good way to get launched across the room at 2am...;0) hope they don't bring u any more presents....ick...

Rassles said...

At least it wasn't a cute widdle baby bunny.