Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Like a kick in the crotch.

So, as I stated in my post on Saturday, I took a pregnancy test to either force my period to come or tell me I was pregnant. I cant stand being in limbo. I needed to know if I should just go back to being the cynical infertile. Or if by some miracle I was actually knocked up. Well, neither of those things happened that night. I got a negative. But still didn't get my period.

Last night however is a different story all together. Last night as my husband was on his way home I sent him a text pleading with him to pick up a pregnancy test for me because I was still just barely spotting and it had been 3 days. I just needed to do it. For me. For my sanity. He came home about an hour later with tests in hand. I grabbed the bag and flew up the stairs. My bladder was about to explode as I had been holding it for quite some time waiting for him to get home.
I sat down and proceeded to mangle the plastic package trying to get the test out. I told myself not to stare at the test, and to just set it down on the floor.
We all know I didn't do that though. I mean seriously....two fucking years....I'm staring at the goddamn test. And so I did, I stared at it. I watched as the pee soaked into the test area, watched it creep through....and as I stared, my eyes started to play tricks on me...I swore I saw the faintest second line. I squinted, and turned it every which way. I tried different lighting. I even asked my husband if he saw anything. He of course did not. No one can see an invisible line like a woman who has been TTC forfuckingever. So, I threw the test away (and only went back once to double check it!) and told myself that maybe there really was that second line there and I just needed to use morning pee. I told myself I was going to re test first thing the next day.

Less than five minutes later, I got my period. And so...my theory still stands true. The best way to get your period, is to take a pregnancy test. Except I guess my body isn't just a bitch, its a PRISSY bitch and will only pay attention when the expensive pregnancy tests are used. No store brand cheapies.

And there you have it. I'm not pregnant and I got my period. Next time I think I'll just wipe with a $20.00 bill and save myself the mental anguish.

Ps....Fuck you, infertility.


Lea said...

Ugh. I have had this happen more times than I can count. Sorry it happens to you too. ((hugs))

Amber said...

Crap...I was banking on being negative because it was to early to test and really being implantation bleeding. Grrr.

Sarah said...

Lea- Its getting a bit fucking ridiculous, this whole IF thing. I never spot. I think the last time I spotted was right after the lap. This month really fucked me. Meh.

Amber- Sadly, thats what my naive little self was hoping for as well. Grr indeed.

AmyC623 said...

Fuck infertility, indeed.

JJ said...

I call it the TP Tango...damn AF beaotch. Im so sorry, Sarah...its just not effin fair. ((HUGS))

Danielle said...

O, honey. :( BOO! BOO to $20 tests, and to the aftermath it brings! I was getting excited for a minute, hoping you got a jackpot. I think I was right there on the bathroom floor with you examining that second faint line! I couldn't help laugh while reading this though, it was like laughing at myself...went through this so many times it isn't even funny! My husband was ready to kill me for all the tests we bought. I'll never forget the night I ran over to Walgreens (trying not to pee all over myself because I had to go so bad) and I bought like three different boxes with two tests a piece. Wouldn't you know it before I could even open a box and squat to pee...I was bleeding all over the place! ERGH! Hang in there, girl! (A big hug for you)

womb for improvement said...

I'm expecting my period today or tomorrow. Maybe I should throw an expensive test at the problem too.

Jane G said...

I hear ya on seeing invisible second lines. I spend the last few days of my cycle standing on one leg leaning out the window squinting at the HPT so that I can see the line.

IF is such a bitch. ((hugs))

Bubba said...

Ahhh i have a blog post a few months back that reads exactly like yours !!
Happens to me every fucking time !!
xx xx

Sarah said...

Amy- Yea!

JJ- I call it a mind fuck. And no, its not fair. Thanks for the hugs though.

Danielle- I told my husband to just hand me a five to wipe with next time, it'll still save $$.

WFI- Yea, dont use the cheapies. I mean, maybe your body isnt a prissy whore though. So maybe you dont have to spend money on the good ones.

Jane- Seriously, I swear it was there. But only I could see it. Perhaps I've stepped over that line from infertile to fucking insane?

Bubba- Well, arent we just sooooo lucky? meh.

April said...

Crap. That's just not fair. :-( Even though I saw your title, I was still holding onto hope as I continued to read through your post...