Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Three strikes, I'm out? Or third times the charm?

In two freakishly long weeks we'll know the answer to that question. IUI # 3, is done. With one greedy follicle. Humpf!

The nurse that did this IUI was great. She fed me every line of bullshit that is designed to give IF's like myself hope. But she didn't do it in a way that made me want to stab her or cause her some form of bodily harm. I actually kinda liked her. And? She placed a wooden fertility goddess on my belly and gave me "mood lighting" while I waited the 10 minutes before I was allowed to get up and leave. Which made me chuckle. And seriously, who doesn't like a little comic relief after having a woman squirt your husbands "goods" all up in? I submit that you cannot find one.

In other news, I earned myself a fat ass ticket today. Speeding. I was taking Monkey to school before my appointment and I guess I was in a bit of a hurry. $300. Fuuuuuuuck. Monkey and I were chatting away and I was slightly distracted thinking about how I needed to get home with enough time to spare to make myself look lovely for my hump day insemination. I needed to have shaved legs and pretty hair. And my makeup needed to be perfect. But of course with Monkey in the car I couldn't go into that detail with the stupid cop that pulled me over. Nope, I just smiled and thanked him for fucking me with a sandpaper condom. But seriously, I could have gotten out of it if I had been sans child. I've gotten out of worse tickets than that. And I don't even have to sleep with them. Male cops don't like tears or mention of periods and I'm CERTAIN talk of insemination and infertility along with tears would have saved my ass, or at least added some lube. But being the "responsible" mother that I am, I very bluntly told Monkey that I broke the law and I deserved the ticket I was about to be handed. He offered me his savings. I fought the tears. That boy makes my heart melt every day.

I'm totally sending it in NOT guilty. Even though, clearly.....I'm pretty guilty. Cops don't read fertility blogs do they? If so, I ADMIT NOTHING!


Courtney said...

If I had been the cop I would definitely let you off with a story of shaved legs and perfect hair! I ALWAYS plead not guilty wot speeding tickets too!

I touched the Ripley's Believe or not fertility statues and got knocked up- so maybe a little ferility god on your belly will be just as good!

Fingers crossed for ya!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Best of luck.

womb for improvement said...

A greedy follicle is good (I imagine it just sucking up that spunk). I won't bother with the whole third times a charm thing cause that is bollocks - but maybe the bad luck of getting a ticket will be countered with very, very good luck.