Sooooo, its been a while...

Hi, helloooo, its me. I'm still alive. Still kickin so to speak, though quite honestly I dont feel so feisty anymore. I'm workin on that.

Ok, so as I said I've been in a pretty bad place for a while now. A lot of it, I just cant get into. We all have things that we just cant talk about, well that part of my life is one of em. Bottom line, I'm struggling to be a whole person again. Its not easy to say the least.
Sometimes the wound is too deep for even time to heal it...you're always left with a scar that threatens to burst open at any moment. It hurts a little less with every day, but its always there...reminding you. Its tender to the touch and if you do something to aggravate it, it can leave you gasping for air. Waiting for the pain to pass. But it never really does. It just lessens enough for you move forward one tiny step. And thats what I'm trying to do, move forward one tiny step at a time. Slow progress. But progress none the less.

I'm officially divorced (did I already post about that? I cant be bothered to check) As of Nov 8th, I became a single mother. Again. Best choice I've made in a looooong ass time.

Lets see, I just had surgery about 2 weeks ago to remove my asshole gallbladder. The "minor surgery" has been nothing but a fucking hassle! I should have just kept the gallbladder. I didnt have stones, so I totally could have dealt with the pain every couple of months when it decided to freak the fuck out. But noooooooo, I had it removed. Lemme tell you, the term laparoscopic means shit. They still cut right through your abs! I may not have a 6 pack, but that fucker HURT!! And I ended up with 4 or 5 blood clots in my arm. They hurt and are freaky as fuck. Lumps in my vein. **shudder** thats the kind of thing that makes my asshole pucker just thinking about it. Blech. Not real sure whats gonna happen with those, I was told I "should" be ok because they are superficial and not deep vein. But its still freaking me right the fuck out. Blood clots are scary. I dont care what I'm told.
So theres THAT. Which has been all sorts of fun.

Ummmm, I've lost about 40-45lbs. YAY ME! Not gonna lie, this is the best I've felt about my body in a very, very long time. Its not perfect, never will be. I've got stretch marks and probably some "dimples" too, I'm not long and lean, bikinis and shorts are still not on my list of things to wear. But I'm OK with me the way I look. New concept. :)

Still doing makeup professionally. Still lovin it. I actually just bought an airbrush machine so I could teach myself. Kind of an expensive lesson, but I think I'm gonna do just fine. I tried it out last night on one of my friends and its preeeetty straight forward. With a little practice, I'll be kicking airbrush ass in no time. I've worked with a couple of different photographers on photo shoots, which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!! I think thats been my favorite part of makeup artistry so far. I adore working photo shoots. So much fun.

I guess thats about it, for the most part.I'm going to try to update more frequently. Really, dont look at me like that! I AM!