Saturday, July 19, 2008

They call me Jugs. No, really they do.

My. Boobs. Are. HUGE. I mean like seriously, disturbingly big. I just ordered and received two brand new, one full cup size up, Victorias secret bras.....34DD. Only to find out that unless I sit perfectly still, I get the boob that pokes out of the top of the bra. I like to call this the chicken cutlet. Because thats what it looks like. Like I may or may not be smuggling poultry in my brand new friggin bras! And yes, they are indeed FULL coverage. Pshaw! Full coverage my ass. Only if you;
A.) Stand motionless, as if you are a statue in a park.
2.) Are a victorias secret model (And if you are; Eat a sangwhich, you'll feel better)
C.) Have big ole perky fake boobies.
Fake= if you lay on your back and AT LEAST 85% of your ta-tas dont fall into your arm pits, they aint real. Or maybe they are just real small, but then you wouldnt be having the chicken cutlet issue, so shut up! I am doing nor do I have any of the above. So this is just damn annoying.
And then I get to thinking.....eesh. If these bad boys are this big NOW...what the hell is gonna happen if and when we actually manage to get pregnant? Holy crap batman, I'll fall over!! I'll be like a weeble wobble, cept I WILL fall down! So not really like one at all then. Anyway, I mention this to K(my husband) and his beautiful eyes glaze over for a moment, and then he gets the stupid "heh heh booooobies!!" grin. And I knew I wasnt going to get any sympathy from him.
The giant boobage comes from the weight gain, obviously. But its now to the point that people are starting to notice. Like stare and make comments such as " Your tits are huge!!" yes, thank you for pointing it out as if I didnt realize I had been luggin these monsters around all day!! I think I know my boobs are big. Cripes. Or my mother; "Saaaarah, oh my god! Your breasts are enormous! You MUST be pregnant!! You just HAVE to be" No, mom, I'm not. Trust me. But thanks. "were they always that big?!" Have you always stared and drooled? No? Then probably not. For fucks sake, they are boobs! Yes, they are rather massive, but stop acting like its the first or biggest set of breasts you have ever seen in your life.
Please for the love of all that is good and decent, I have really nice eyes....try looking at them.

Eye see you! Stop staring at my lovely lady lumps!

And on a totally different note. Still waiting for my hubbys S/A to come back. Have I mentioned I am a terrible waiter? Because I am. Instant gratification please and thank you.

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