CD13

And no LH surge detected.

Huh??

No. LH. SURGE. DETECTED.

Oh what the crap? I should be ovulating tomorrow. Or there about. Is it possible that I had been getting false positives on the digital clear blue easy OPK? I switched to using the test strip thingys because a.) they are cheaper. and b.) I've heard they are more reliable than the digital ones. Don't know if thats true but I figured it couldn't hurt to try. Y'know?

And so here I am CD13, and no LH surge. Ack! I get nervous when my body doesn't do what I think it should be doing. What if I really haven't been ovulating?? What if clear blue easy is a clear blue lying whore?! That means something is wrong with ME. Noooooooooooooooooooo.

I'll test later. Just to be sure. And in the mean time....p-a-n-i-c. Or at least mild hyperventilation. Well, probably not. But that just shows how not happy I am about my slut of a body defying me.

And while we're on the subject of me not being happy. I've done a bit of reading about my little HSG test I need to do. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! Here, lets go over this......

Hysterosalpingogram and Fertility
Besides being able to detect uterine and tubal abnormalities, the HSG test has also been shown to increase pregnancy rates in some women. The HSG test sometimes helps to clear fallopian tubes of debris or blockages. This can enable some women with fertility issues to become pregnant. <------OK, this doesn't sound to terribly bad. Pregnant is good!

The Hysterosalpingogram Procedure
The HSG procedure is typically performed in the radiology department of you local hospital. It is an outpatient procedure, which means that you will be able to go home immediately following the test. The procedure itself is relatively quick - it only takes about five minutes to actually perform - however, you may be asked to answer some questions before the HSG test begins. The HSG procedure is performed as follows:

You lie on an examination table and bring your knees up to your chest. You allow your knees to fall outwards, towards the table. <------Pardon? What the hell happened to the cute little stir-ups? This sounds like a recipe for me falling off a table with my girly bits exposed. Funny for those watching, yes. NOT for me however!

A speculum is placed in your vagina, in order to expose your cervix.<-----Oh, goody goody gum drops!! Sign me up! My DH gets to jerk off in a cup while watching cheesy 80's porn and I have to go through THIS.....humpf! Doesn't sound like an fair deal....to me anyway.

A thin catheter is inserted through your cervix and into your uterus. <-----This does not sound fun. Does it hurt? Cant they just knock me out?

Dye is slowly released through the catheter into your uterine cavity.<------Ewwwwwwww.

X-rays are taken as the dye flows into the fallopian tubes and spills out into the abdominal cavity.<------Aren't X-rays a bad thing when you're trying to get pregnant?

You will be asked to turn on to your side, so that further x-rays can be taken<-----Oh yea....I'm falling off the fucking table. This is not going to end well. I hope at this point, speculum and catheter are out?

After the Hysterosalpingogram
After the last x-rays have been taken, you will be asked to remain lying down for a few minutes. You may notice some light abdominal cramping. After a few minutes, you can get dressed. Your test results will likely be available immediately after the procedure. <----- HA-FUCKING-HA!! Anytime some doctor tells you that you may experience some light cramping....its gonna friggin hurt. Can I take a xanax before I go? If yes, do any of you have some xanax?

Complications of a Hysterosalpingogram
As with any diagnostic procedure, there are some complications associated with the HSG test. However, complications are rare, occurring in only 1% of all patients. Possible complications include:

• spotting<---will it be colorful spots? Like a little rainbow, from all the DYE they will be squirting up there?!
  
• fainting<---- me or the doctor after listen to me curse him/her up and down?
  
• uterine infection<-----excuse you? infected uterus is NOT what I am signing up for. As far as I know my uterus is in tip top shape. I had better not end up with an infected one!
  
• iodine dye allergy<---um, I think I'm good.
  

The Results
Your health care provider will sit down with you to explain the results of your HSG test. Normal results will show no blockages in your fallopian tubes and and a uterus that is of natural size and shape. Abnormal results could show one or more blockages in your fallopian tubes, uterine adhesions, or an unusual uterine shape.

After the Hysterosalpingogram
If your HSG test results come back normal, this means that there is no detectable problem with your uterus or fallopian tubes. Further testing may be required to determine where your fertility issues stem from.

If your HSG results come back abnormal, this means that there is some sort of problem with your uterus or fallopian tubes. Treatment will depend on the specific problem that your health care provider detects.

So, that about sums it up.

yippie.

I'm so excited I could pee. But I'm not gonna. Not until I'm ready to POAS. Heh.

I would really, really appreciate those of you who have had an HSG done cluing me in to what I have to look forward to. Pain, during and after are my main concern.