Thursday, August 14, 2008

Hey! Big girls need lovin too!

"you know your doctor is going to tell you that you HAVE to lose weight before you can get pregnant right?"

*Those were the words of encouragement I got today from my mother. After I told her I have my new gyno appointment tomorrow.*

Mother: "you need to lose AT LEAST 20 pounds!"

*Here, let me come closer so you can make sure the knife pierces the heart deep enough.*

Me: "yea mom, I know. Thanks"

Mother: "you know what worked really well for so-and-so?"

Me: "no mom. what worked for so-and-so?"

Mother: "well he was really fat. Like you and I....."

*choked on my coffee*

Mother: "well maybe he was bigger....but anyways, herbal life worked for him. He lost 20 pounds without even trying!"

Me: "thats great mom. I'll look into it."
*When I'm done looking into therapy.*

Mother: "you really should. its going to be hard for you"


Me: "yea, I'll check it out tonight. I need to be careful about what I put into my body though"

Mother: "well, its you can take it and be fine! You really should look it up when you get home"

*OK OK! I get it. I'm fat. I'll look into it. Christ!!*

Mother: "but you're still beautiful Sarah!"

Me: "oh yea! Fat girls need loving too."

Mother: "oh, stop you aren't fat!"

*bangs head on metal table*

And this is where I started a new subject. It could have gone on like this FOREVER. But I wouldn't be writing this if it had. I'd be sitting in a jail cell for stuffing a catalog up my mothers nose.

Lets get something straight. Yea, I'm a bit chunky. I've gained some fucking weight. But the last thing I need is my mother telling me that my doctor is going to demand I lose at LEAST 20lbs. Seriously. Not helping.
I may be a bit thick. Perhaps Curvy. I've been told I have a badonkadonk. But I'm still fucking hot! OK, maybe not hot. But I'm pretty damn cute.
So, what? Because I may be a touch over weight(OK OK, a little more than a touch) I'm not allowed to get pregnant?

Fuck me.

I'm not exactly thrilled about going to see a new gyno in the first fucking place. And now, I have to have in the back of my mind that while this chic is poking my lady business she's going to be thinking about how fat I am. And my luck, she'll be either uber thin....or fucking pregnant.

I don't want to have to gauge her eyes out for calling me fat. Really I don't. But a girl can only handle so many insults in a 48 hour time span before she snaps. I don't think any woman judge in the world would convict me.

picture it........

"Well you see your honor, as I was wiping the KY jelly off of my freshly violated crotch, Dr.Z said to me 'by the way cant get pregnant because you're a heffer. Your mother was right!' I don't remember what exactly happened after that, but when I came to I had a clump of hair in my fist and a piece of her shirt stuck between my teeth"

OK, now if you'll excuse me...I need to go shave a slimming pattern onto my hoo-hoo.



Busted said...

If it helps in any way, I am significantly overweight (BMI pre-IVF and pregnancy was 28, and now it is 31 or so) and my RE never mentioned it. I even asked about it specifically and he said I wasn't overweight enough for it to matter.

Sarah said...

Thank you sweetie! Actually it DOES make me feel better. A lot. =)

PJ said...

Ahem... I don't have a stellar track record for getting pregnant easily, BUT I'm exactly like Busted. My BMI is probably around 30 too, and neither of my RE's have ever said anything about it.

My dad said the same crap to me also. Way to be supportive!

And... there are plus size pregnancy clothes out there, so it happens! :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

it's it's any consolation, which I know it's not, that's the funniest thing I've read today.

(and I'm HOURS ahead of you..)

Would it be too cheeky to ask if I could quote some of this sometime for a post?

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Came over from Xbox - I'm a little *soft* as I like to call it. It's more of a "'blah blah blah' I know, and it hurts worse b/c you know" kind of thing. Us 'soft girls' gotta stick together. And maybe meet up to eat. At Taco Bell.

Elfie33 said...

I hit your blog this morning, by accident and glad I did..You made me laugh. I tell people I'm large and louciuos...and if they don't like it screw um..LOL. Your mom sound like mine. I think it's a rule that they drive you crazy.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I think our mothers might be long lost sisters or something. It's amazing what she says to me sometimes. And I know she loves me, I know it's not on purpose. It's just the absense of common courtesy in the presence of parental license? Maybe?

Your post was hilarious. Nappy sent me, but I'll be back on my own.

Jenni said...

When I was four months post partum with my son, I had to attend a wedding. I wore a pair of those "special" panties, Spanx, to hold my very jiggly post baby belly in. My mom said, and I quote:

"You look good. Not thin, or anything, but you know, cleaned up."

Thanks for calling your post partum daughter a hefer, because I didn't already know it.

Also, I am over weight and although I did not have trouble getting pregnant, my midwives never mentioned my weight or my weight gain.

I'm here through Xbox, really enjoying your blog!

River said...

Came here via xbox, one of my best friends is overweight, has been all her life, she has 3 beautiful children, so there's hope for you.