Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I dont feel like naming this one.

I mad.

I mad I cant seem to get knocked up! I spent MOST of my life avoiding getting pregnant, and now I cant seem to get there. Pisses me off. And makes me sad.

I'm mad that some people think "its just not my time".

I'm mad that I seem to be the ONLY one (in my life) who cares or is worried or that this is affecting.

I'm mad that I just dropped $70.00 on stupid vitamins for us. Including one to make my stupid CM as nicey nice for his stupid sperm as possible. And I'm STILL NOT PREGNANT.

I'm mad that I got my damn period 2 effin days early. Because it doesn't suck enough that I'm not pregnant. But Flo decided to come early. Gee, golly gosh THANKS Flo.

I'm mad that there are so many pregnant people waddling around me. I hate them and HEART them all at the same time.

I'm mad that I cant take a vacation.

I'm mad that I'm mad. Because being mad is exhausting. Boooooo!!

I hate that my husband was terribly mean to me yesterday morning, and we haven't spoken more than a handful of words since then.

I'm mad that I have no money to buy a new car, or pretty new clothes, or puppies, or fake boobs, or lots of make-up, or new carpets or whatever I want, Whenever I want. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.

I'm mad that I have to struggle for EVERYTHING I have. Just one fucking time I'd like to have something handed to me. Just once. I don't want to have to work for it, I don't want to do it on my own, just give me something dammit! I deserve some good Karma!!! I have been through a lot in the past 2 years. Its ridiculous. But I have. I'm not going to go into details of the things other than the infertility because I think certain people in my life may get quite pissed. Humpf! Whatever.

Welcome to my pity party. Would you like some cheese to go with my whine?


SAHW said...

I'll take some Brie. ;)

It's so annoying and frustrating and infuriating and depressing, and all the emotions in between when stupid AF comes. What a way to squash your hope by coming early...

I have to stop myself from adding up all the expense on stupid pre-natals for so many, many months and ridiculously expensive applicators of Pre-Seed and minimum $1 for each stick to pee on for OPKs and HPTs!!! It's frustrating isn't it???

I hope you will be feeling better soon! ((hugs))

keir said...

You're not the only one who cares....not by a long stretch. <3

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I think I could have had a shiny new female reproductive system inserted into me for what we've shelled out on tests, kits, vitamins, and supplements.