Sunday, August 10, 2008

I worry....a lot

I do.
I worry.

I have my appointment with my new gyno in 5 days. And while part of me thinks "nah, everything is just fine with you." There is a part of me that wonders.....that maybe there is something wrong with ME.

I mean, my periods have always been super predictable. Right on schedule. Always there. Thanks Flo. Thanks a bunch. Booo, you whore! There isn't 1 thing I can think of that has been irregular. Sure, every so often I get it a few days earlier than expected, but I always chalked that up to the woman I was hanging around with and THEIR hormones. It happens. Right??

I ovulate right on time. All of that.

I've already had ONE child.

No pains, other than the usual cramps. Nothing weird at all. But I wonder. What if I am silently rotting on the inside?! What if my uterus is a veritable war zone?! What if there is REALLY something wrong. Some silent killer. And I start to panic. Panic blows!

Maybe its not just my husbands low motility that is keeping us from getting pregnant. Maybe its ME.

I have a confession to make. I haven't been to a gyno in about 2 1/2 years. I know, I know....stupid girl. SO fucking stupid. But I didn't have insurance, and my life wasn't going so well, and so I put my health on the back burner while I tended to other things. I always comforted myself with the thought "nothing feels out of place, everything is working just fine" But now I'm scared. What if something bad has been going on up there for these 2 1/2 years. Something I never even knew about. And now because of my negligence. We cant have a baby.

So for the next 5 days. I will be a worried mess.

But its my own damn fault I suppose.


Xbox4NappyRash said...

there is ZERO point in beating yourself up, if you feel bad about it, use it to be positive.

prepare the best you can, and good luck at the gyno.

Sarah said...

You're right of course.

Thank you!