To get me out of this.
I've never been the type of person to wallow in my pit of despair, and yet I cant seem to get out of it now. I'm stuck. And I'm terribly depressed.
I hate feeling this way. I feel powerless. I have no control over my emotions, I have no control over my body, I feel like I have no control over my life.
D came to see me at work today, and do you know what I did? I cried. Cried! Just the sight of her sent me into big wet crocodile tear mode! How ridiculous is that shit?! But I did. I'm sure I'm done now.
Until the next time.
Fortunately for me, she is being really awesome about this. She isn't taking offense to my irrational behavior. She knows I'm happy for her despite the tears and boo-boo lip. I'm really quite pitiful as of right now.
My body is revolting against me. It is doing nothing right. It hates me. And you know what? Right now I hate the stuck up bitch right back! Good for nothing, lazy, fat-ass, cant get itself knocked up, unappreciative stupid body!
Today is CD12....thus far, no LH surge. All I want right this very moment is to see that fucking smiley face, just so I can know that AT LEAST one goddamn thing in my useless body is doing as its supposed to!! Just one!! I don't think thats asking to much. As I have said before, I have never ever had irregular periods or ovulated at odd times. Everything up until last month has been perfect! Fucking perfect! And now....not so fucking much.
Maybe I am more stressed than I realized. Could I have possibly STOPPED ovulating due to stress?? Christ on toast! This is just NOT what I need.
My head hurts.
I'm sad. Very, very sad.
Ohhhhh woe is me. <------do you see this?! This is not me!! I am a bitch! I am a hotheaded little Irish girl. I do not feel these emotions. I don't cry. Dammit!!
Shit, apparently I do.