Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I've made up my mind....

And it was one of the most difficult things I've had to decide in a long ass time. I am not happy about it. And I am fighting to maintain composure so that I can write this and then go to bed.

I am postponing any further fertility treatments until at least after April, I think. It leaves me with a heavy heart, but I know in my mind that it is the only choice.
My husband and I have fallen on hard times...AKA, we is broke as hell. I mean B-R-O-K-E. Things happened, cars died, bills stacked up and now we're fucked. Hard. With a sandpaper condom. And it hurts. But I have thought about it long and hard and it would be horribly inappropriate and irresponsible of me to move forward with fertility treatments knowing we are in the financial mess we are in. I just cant do it. I wont do it to my son, and I certainly dont want to bring anymore children into the world knowing full well that right this moment we would not be able to support anymore than we already have.
We will manage, we will struggle, we will make it, and we will have another baby.

Just not right now.

I will continue to read all of your blogs, and I'll probably still post....I might take a break. Then again, I might not. I really don't know right now.

And now, if you'll excuse me...I'm going to crawl into bed and immerse myself in a book. I do love the distraction books provide.

12 comments:

Megan said...

I''m so sorry you need to take a break, but you have to do what is best for you and your family. I hope you are back in the saddle soon.

Amber said...

I'm sorry...that sucks. Hang in there, and if you're up to it, keep writing, you are hilarious!

G said...

Hey Sarah,

That's a really tough decision to make. If only all those stupid irresponsible fertiles could be as sensible as you are. I'm sure that the time will fly between now and April, and you'll probably end up being really glad that you waited until the timing was better for you.

Hope we do still see you around the blogosphere!

Love ya *hugs*

womb for improvement said...

Incredibly difficult decision, but sounds like a carefully thought out one. Take care.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry that you had to make such a tough decision. I hope everything turns around soon for you and your family.

Courtney said...

I am sorry you had to make a decision like this. It sucks! I'll miss you until you come back!

April said...

Aw, crap. I'm so sorry you guys are having such a hard time! I won't say I don't understand the financial crap...we're deep in ours too. :-P And it sucks. And of course I'm super sorry to hear you have to postpone your treatments. :-( Ugh!!!

But I hope you still post here and there! I'll miss reading your blog otherwise!

Kahla said...

I'm so sorry ya'll are having a hard time, we are up to our ears in debt (probably more than that by now). Don't stay away for too long, we'll miss you!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Hard decision, but trust yourself that it's the right one.

Lea said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I hope they break will be a short one. Thinking about you and sending hugs.

Stace said...

Sorry that you've had your hand forced. I hope the next few months prove to be just what you guys need.

PJ said...

I think I'll be there in late April too. Maybe.

Between here and there, I'm getting all of the alcohol-drinkin', caffiene-drinkin', sex on demand with no baby-making in mind, and other evilness that I can!!!

You hearin' me?

...as she crawls away herself for a good, non-substanced, all frills, book. :)

Hugs