Yesterday was a total cluster fuck. The universe spoke, and I ignored the mouthy bitch. I wont do that again.
I went to leave for work, and when I turned the key all I got was silence. Not even a fuckin 'click'. Yep, my battery was dead. Like all the way dead. And I'll tell you why. I am officially the stupidest woman alive. I left my lights on, alllll night. So I call into the house and tell my husband that my car is dead and I need a jump. As it turns out, we're both kinda dumb and neither of us has jumper cables. Shit. I know I used to have a set. I think they got lost in one of the many moves. And apparently we're surrounded by dumb neighbors as well, no one had fucking jumper cables. Um? OK?
I make the call into work and let them know I am going to be late. No, I don't know how late. My fucking car is dead. Write me up if you feel the need, there is nothing I can do. Suck it. Next on the list of people to call was my dad. I know he has jumper cables. But, Dad is 35 minutes away on a job site and cant leave. Greeeeat.
So I'm standing outside smoking a cigarette cursing myself for being such a twat, and K comes out and informs me that our insurance has roadside assistance, and that a dead battery was reason enough to call. Even though I was stuck in my own stupid drive way. Fuck yea. Call 'em up, tell 'em your wife is dumb and is in need of some assistance.
Roadside: You're in need of a jump?
K: Yea, my wife is..
Me: Bwahahaha! something funny about my husband telling someone to jump me. Bring it!
Roadside: Will someone be with the car?
K: Ummmm? Yea? She kinda has no choice. The car wont start. I don't think she is going anywhere.
Roadside: Oh, right.
K: How long?
55 minutes thats how long. Oooookay. Well, the boys were leaving at this point so its just me. Waiting, for 55 minutes. Crap. Nothing to do but grab a cup of coffee and chill. However, I seem to have forgotten how the fuck to relax. I was pissed at myself for leaving the lights on, I was pissed that I was late for work, and I was pissed that it was going to be 55 freakin minutes for some shmuck to come jump my battery. Not the best way to start the day. The universe told me to take my ass back to bed. I have a tendency to flip the universe off.
An hour goes by, and I'm still waiting. Getting more pissed of by the minute. 55 minutes huh? Then I get the automated call, 'Hi, this is your stupid insurances roadside assist, our records indicate that your help should have arrived by now, press one if they have....press 2 if they have not yet arrived.'
I Pressed the hell outta number two. I heard the phone squeal under the pressure of my thumb. And now here is a bit of fucking irony for you....my roadside assistance, needed roadside assistance. They were going to be another 1/2 hour because one of there trucks was experiencing difficulties. Ha. Thats cute.
Half hour goes by, and still...I'm fucking waiting. So I call again to see what the ETA is. She says it shouldn't be more than 20 minutes. And wants to know if I need police assistance. I gotta tell you I actually had to think about that for a minute before I answered. I wanted to say yes, please do send an officer! Heres the thing about me, I love, love, looooove a man in uniform. Just about any uniform(not the UPS guys though..) but my favorites are police officers and Marines, hell...any type of military uniform. I am a sucker for those. *drool*I would do just about anything for a good looking guy in uniform. So I'm thinking I could use the entertainment while I wait. My eyes start to glaze over...and then I snap back to reality and tell her no, I'm in my own driveway, and a police officer wouldn't be necessary. *sigh*
30 minutes later this guy rolls in. In a car that is in worse shape than my SUV.
Whatever, he has a jumper thingy. I think he thought I was going to tip him. And to be honest, I was. However the more than 2 hour wait, changed my mind right quick. No tip for you my friend. Do your thing and get the hell outta my way. I need another coffee, and oh...that little thing I call a job is waiting for me. MOVE!
The rest of my day was shit. Everything I touched, broke. Everything I did, I had to re-do. I was totally useless. I should have just gone back to bed.
I hated yesterday. It hated me. We were just full of hate. Together.
The night ended well, I had an interesting conversation with a friend that made me smile. Y'know how that goes...someone says something just right, and everything seems to just go away. For the moment at least.
The universe is funny that way. One minute its shitting all over your parade and the next its giving you a big ole universe hug. Tough love. Well played universe, well played.
I'm listening now.