Friday, May 1, 2009

No sir..I'm pretty sure she is just drunk. Or high. Or both.

OK, as I mentioned in the last post, I was shamed by an old guy in Wendys. Well, here is my version of the story.

On the way to see Dane Cook, who by the way is fucking hilarious, we decided to grab a quick bite to eat so we wouldn't have to drop a fortune at the casino on dinner. Wendys was what we could all agree on. So my sister and I are standing at the counter waiting for our delicious and far from nutritious food to be done, when we noticed a woman standing there as well. She was a hot mess. I mean torn up from the floor up. Her hair was the color of fake blood, she smelled, her eyes looked like she had been hitting the pipe and she was a bit pushy. Aaaand she spit when she talked. Which is just gross. She stood there demanding to know when *insert whatever fucking food she was getting here* was going to be done. She finally got her shit and staggered off to eat it.
My husband and Reno(Dianas boyfriend) had already gone and sat down, and wouldn't you know it..they were right next to the smelly lady and her husband. Blech. Good thing I have a strong stomach.
Well, Diana and Reno had their backs to the lovely couple, I however had a great view. And by great I mean disgusting. The woman was shoveling food into her face at top speed, and her husband was just staring at her. OK..weirdo. She kept missing her mouth, and food was falling all over the table. I couldn't help but stare. I mean it was like a car crash, I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. I needed to see what she was gonna do next. I'm glad I kept watching, because soon she started to fall asleep with the fork in her mouth, or on the way to her mouth. Her head would dip down, her mouth would fall open but she never dropped the fuckin fork. Not once. So I watched as I ate, and I don't mean flat out staring. I'm not a total asshole. But I was definitely watching. This went on for at least 10 minutes, she would be wide awake eating her slop and the next minute her head would be down and she would be seemingly out cold. The I noticed that she had stuck her straw into her beverage with the paper still on it, and was furiously sucking at it trying to get something out of it. All she got was paper. I found this hilarious. Not once did the guy say anything, he never talked to her, he never looked at us, nothing. It was really bizarre to watch. Like I said I wasn't being an asshole about it or anything. But seriously, I had to look.

So K and Reno get up to throw away the trash and thats when husband of the year decides to say something...he stands up and as I'm mid conversation with Diana, he leans over to us and says:

Old man at wendys: Shes brain dead y'know?

Me:*slightly startled* Pardon?

Old man at wendys: Shes brain dead.

Me: Um...ok....I'm sorry.

Old man at wendys: I noticed you guys took an interest, and just thought you should know she is brain dead.

SHIT! Wait a second.....did he say brain dead??

Me: Ok....

Old man at wendys: She has been brain dead for *insert and undetermined amount of time* and I'd say she is doing pretty well.

Diana swears he said 10 minutes, I thought he said 20 something..

Me: Right...OK.

Old man at wendys: Brain dead. Its when the brain doesn't get oxygen. Do you know what brain dead is?

Probably from trying to drink through a straw with paper all over it!

Me: Yea, I know what it is....

Do YOU know what brain dead is old man?

Smelly lady: You don't have to say that to them!

Me: wha?

I'm sorry? Did that brain dead woman just speak?!

Smelly lady: He shouldn't have said that to you.

Me: Um, its fine really.

Sonofabitch. He played me like a violin.

Old man at wendys:*hurrying BRAIN DEAD wife along now*

At this point, a woman at a different table is giving me the stink eye and shaking her head like I've just kicked a retard.
Now in MY world, and I'm pretty sure by medical definition a BRAIN DEAD woman, wouldn't be able to walk, talk, order her own food, pay with a debit card, eat and interact with people. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is a new brain dead that I just haven't heard about. Maybe the people that I've taken care of that were in fact brain dead, were the old skool brain dead. This is after all 2009. Maybe she is new skool.
Or maybe what he meant to say was brain damaged. Though I'm pretty sure she was just drunk or high. And y'know what if she was brain damaged I feel sorta bad. Only sorta though, because that stupid ass let her eat paper! Take the goddamn wrapper off her straw if she is brain damaged you prick! Wipe her mouth for fucks sake. Don't shame me, when you sat there watching your supposedly brain dead wife eat paper. Asshole.

Fuck off. And do it quickly.

And that was my trip to wendys.

12 comments:

Casey said...

Gotta love eating in those fast food joints! And it was a fast food joint late at night in Torrington, so yes, she most likely was just drunk or high. I give you credit, because I wouldn't have been able NOT to stare.

'Murgdan' said...

Bwahahahahahaha....

I can't even comment.

Bwahahahahahha...

(and you are correct. True brain dead people do not go to Wendy's for dinner, they lay in the hospital and eventually DIE...brain damaged is more like it, though it sounds like the whole family was brain dead to me).

Angry Infertile said...

Brain damaged from smoking too much crack. Or possibly...brain damaged from eating too much Wendy's spicy chicken sandwiches? I would have laughed also. Shit, after watching Dane Cook EVERYTHING is funnier.

Sarah said...

Casey- It wasnt even Torrington! I cant remember where the hell we were, but apparently I wont be welcome back based on the dirty looks I was getting.

Murgdan- I know, funny right? I'm still sticking with the drugged and or drunk theory.

Angry- My sister and I think maybe she had a stroke wile trying to suck those thick ass frostys through her paper laden straw. Just a thought mind you...

Sarah said...

Ugh...While, not wile. Stupid fingers.

ghost of keywork said...

Yeah, there is a New Braindead, it's like the New Aids Magic Johnson has. Totally treatable apparently.

Gwen said...

Sarah, again you make me laugh when I need it the most. Love your stories, love the way you tell them. New skool brain dead? BWAH! I think that's funny and I have an inherent aversion to all things spelled wrong. So that's got to tell you something. Anyway, I honestly don't know what to make of that guy and his wife. Could it be he was just fucking with you? If so, that was really not even funny. And offensive to people who are actually brain dead. Either way, that guy was some kind of asshole.

Sarah said...

Ghost- I knew it!

Gwen- I happy you like my train wreck, ADHD posts. They make me feel better anyway. The skool thing would usually make me twitch a bit as well, except I wrote it. So that makes it OK, right? Right??
And yes, I'm pretty sure he was fucking with me. And like I said, even if he WASNT and she was brain damaged(couldnt be brain dead) He let her eat fucking paper! He cant say shit to me.

Kahla said...

Well I bet you'll never have another experience quite like that one... WTH is wrong w/people? I'm also going with just drunk or high.

Sarah said...

Kahla- They are all nuckin futs!

Megs said...

Yeah...im gonna say brain damaged possibly...more than likely via alcohol, or some other illegal substance. I mean...come on. I'm not a medical expert by any means, but if brain dead, she would not be at Wendy's.

Wow...WTF?!?!

Sarah said...

Megs- WTF indeed. Either way...he let her eat paper. He is worse than I am!