Thursday, December 31, 2009

Yes, I'm still here....

As 2009 comes to a close, I figured I should let ya'll know I'm still here. I didn't throw myself off a cliff or plow into a bridge abutment.
I've wanted to blog. I've had stuff I could have blogged about. But every time I sat down to write, I'd just sit and stare at the screen. And then I would hear Sephora.com calling my name, and because I have NO self control when it comes to Sephora....I'd switch pages, telling myself I'd go back to do the blog soon. But I never did. Clearly.

*sigh*

Worst blogger ever.

I've made some changes to my header. Did you even notice? If you're anything like my husband (who didn't notice 4" of missing hair!) you probably didn't. Or maybe you did, and you think it sucks (which it kinda does, because I'm borderline retarded when it comes to that shit.) Whatever. I'll fix it eventually. And when I say I'll fix it, I mean I'll beg my husband who speaks fluent geek to fix it. Potato, potato....uh, just not the same when you write it.

2009, well, its pretty much been shit. Right up there with 2008 actually. And as I'm sure you can all remember...2008 was a dirty whore.

I have all sorts of things I could say as to why 2009 was the shit show it was. But quite frankly, 2009 doesn't deserve another moment of my time. 2009, was mean. Really mean. It hurt me and a lot of my friends, both online and IRL. So, pretty much all I have to say to 2009 is fuck you, and goodbye.

And seriously? If 2010 isn't a better year than 2009....someones getting shanked. I'm not even kidding.

Speaking of 2010, I'm going to see my new RE Jan 13th. Yes, thats right friends, I'm going to start treatments again.
Squeeee. Or something.
Jan 13th is my consultation. Because my old RE left me. Because she was all "oh look at me, I'm an RE! I make gobs of money off you sad sacks and so I can retire at age 49!" OK, probably not. But it still pisses me off. And I'm kinda mad at her.

Aaaaanyway....

Yea, so, new year. New RE. New hope? Maybe. I wonder what he'll think. Will I be able to use the meds in my fridge that are about to expire? Or will he want to do things a different way? I've already changed my schedule at work so that this time around I wont have to deal with anyone giving me shit if I have to go in for BW or U/S's. I'm not putting my life on hold anymore for that job. Screw that noise. They don't pay me enough to do that.

Speaking of meds....one of my boxes of Gonal-f expires in Feb. Do you think that means come Feb, I cant use them? Or do you think they are good through Feb?

I'm going to start allowing myself to be hopeful again. Sometime very soon. Perhaps after the initial visit. Perhaps.

Just a few more things, and I promise I'll let you get back to your day. I promise.

I bought the book Navigating the land of IF. If you don't have it, you should. Seriously. Really, really well written. I <3 it. And I'll be buying another copy to give to a friend who is just starting her journey across the island.

I'm fat again. All that hard work I did over the summer....shot to shit. I'm 100% totally disgusted with myself. How could I let this happen? I'll tell you how, I fell into a bit of a depression. And I quit smoking. Which I have since started again after having to have Pandora put to sleep. Not full time or anything! No, seriously.... Whatever. Don't judge me. I'd rather take my chances with cancer than be fat and angry.

And I think that about sums things up.

I wish you all a safe and happy New year. And thanks once again, for hanging around and reading my nonsense. I love you all.

XOXO

17 comments:

myprettyones said...

Sarah! I've missed you! And I'm in total agreement on the suckiness of 2009 and 2008 for that matter. I'm starting with a new fertility dr. in the new year also and it's bringing me HOPE! I'm glad you have a little too, my friend. ;) I have no idea about the expiration of Gonal-F. But I just thought I'd throw this out there, if you want to sell it - let me know. Not sure it would be the right dosage, but we could talk. :) Hugs + Happy New Year!

People in the Sun said...

Have a great Sephora-filled 2010.

Sarah said...

MPO- I've missed you too, Sweets! As for the Gonal-F, if it starts looking like I wont be able to use it in time, you can HAVE it. No need to buy it. =) I'll keep you posted.

PIS..uhh or is it PITS..whatever, you..yea you!!- Thank you! Happy New Year!

AmyC623 said...

I missed you!!! I'm glad you're checking out a new RE. May he (or she) be awesome and wonderful. If your meds expire, I can send you mine. I have a fridge full that don't expire till the end of 2010. Just let me know :)

Love ya!!

Sarah said...

Thanks Amy! Missed you too! How ya feeling? I'll let you know about the meds. Thanks so much for the offer. <3

Bon said...

2009 can go fuck itself. Here's to 2010. *raises bottle of vodka*

Sarah said...

Well said, Bon. Well said indeed.

Heres to new beginnings.

*raises what ever drink is placed in her hand tonight*

Kahla said...

So glad to see you're still alive and kicking! I think it's great ur seeing a new RE, new year + new RE = new results???!! As for the Gonal. our RE says it's actually good for 6 months past the shelf date, maybe longer but he won't go past that. We used some that had expired for this last cycle so it must have been OK. Happy New Year, may 2010 kick 2009's butt!

Courtney said...

Glad you didn't throw yourself off anything! I missed ya!

I don't think any of it REALLY expires- I think it is a CYA thing on their end!

I hope 2010 is better for you 10000Xes over!

PJ said...

OMG, I love Sephora!

I do miss your posts (you know I love your sense of humor and sarcasm!), but don't feel bad about not posting. Post when you're into it. Don't post when you're not. It's all good. :)

Yay for starting a new RE and treatments! I'm pretty sure that GonalF gold is good through February. It's sooo close, even if it's not. That stuff's so expensive!

I hope that 2010 is not the whore/s that 2008 and 2009 were! I hope it is VERY fruitful and full of happy times!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

The best of luck

womb for improvement said...

Isn't that drugs expiration question the kind of thing hundreds of people ask you every day in your professional capacity? I reckon it is like credit cards that expire at the end f the month in question... but as your RE.

And yeah, 2010 - bring it on.

April said...

Wow, I feel the need to rush over to Sephora.com right now. That would NOT be good considering I'm poor as shit and on the verge of losing my house. DAMN IT!

And I agree, 2009 (other than the birth of my baby boy) was total shit. I'm ready for a (fingers crossed!) MUCH better 2010!!! Please?

Kansas said...

My new years resolution is to start smoking and become an alcoholic. It may be the only way I survive IF;)

Glad to know you're still kicking. I've got my fingers crossed that things go well with your new RE.

KandiB said...

Here's to a great 2010. It's gotta be better than 2009, right?

Eileen said...

Just found your blog. Just wanted to say that my RE told me the same thing someone commented earlier. There is a 6 month window between expiration date and when they become ineffective. I just used some expired meds on my recent cycle and they worked!

Elisabeth said...

Hello!

My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss "veteran". You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my blog: drhousewife.blogspot.com . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.

I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.

Please let me know if you are interested by emailing me at UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com .

Best,
Elisabeth