Monday, January 31, 2011


I hate it. For 2 reasons.

1.) Valentines day. Fuck it. I wasnt very fond of it before and now, I LOATH it. Seriously. Its made for people in love. Flowers and sentimental cards. Hugs and kisses. Snuggles with your other half. Argh!! Where does that leave me? I'll tell you leaves me alone. My husband is gone.
Looks like this Valentines day will be spent with the only man in my life. My Monkey. Good thing he is so friggin cute!


2.) My 31st birthday. I'd take Valentines day over that ANY day! thirtyfuckingone. This is not where I was supposed to be at age 31. Going through my second divorce. Alone and a single mother, AGAIN. Living in an apartment that I cant afford. Living from meager pay check to pay check. Turning to my family to bail my ass out of my financial rut.
Dont get me wrong, I fucking adore my job! I mean it. I really and truly LOVE it. Its seriously the best job I have EVER had. The girls I work with are part of my family and I love them all. I just dont make a whole lot. Yet. I'll get some part time work, just to have a little more moolah coming in.
And as for my family....well, I'd be fucked without them. And my cats would probably have starved to death. And I wouldnt be able to drive anywhere in the winter. I wouldnt have a shoulder to cry on. And I would just be utterly screwed.

But 31 is leaving an extremely sour taste in my mouth, a lump in my throat and a squishy feeling in my tummy. I hate it.
I was supposed to be married. Happily ever after. I was supposed to have 2 or 3 kids. I wasnt supposed to be THIS way! I was supposed to be OK.

And right now, I'm none of those things.

So in summation....FUCK FEBRUARY.


Lea said...

I'm sorry, sweetie. At least February is the shortest month. :) Thinking of you. I hope things start looking up soon. Hold your family close. Hugs.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I will join in... Fuck February... I am turning 35 and I am not very happy about it!

Sounds like you have a wonderful family that loves and supports you!

Sarah said...

I don't know your spiritual take on life....I know I'm not super religious or anything. But one thing I've learned recently is where I "think" I should be in my life and where I really doesn't end up being the same place/time.'re 31 and getting divorced again. Not where you planned on being but maybe its exactly where you're "supposed" to be right now. I know like I sound like I see things through rose-tinted glasses--trust me, I'm not that girl. But a few events over the past few months in my life royally effed me--and my plan--over. Then it finally occurred to me: maybe those things were never really supposed to be in my plan to begin with. I picked up the pieces, got through some tough times thanks to some supportive, close friends and learned a lot along the way.

It sounds like you've already learned just how important your family and friends are. And don't forget the kids.

This too, shall pass.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry, Hun. Giant hugs headed your way from St. Louis - I hope February flies by for you!!!