I have a constant knot in my stomach. I feel sick. Just a constant feeling of unease. It seems I am always moments away from tears.
I take a deep breath to steady myself, and sometimes it helps a little. But usually not. Usually, I still feel like I cant breathe. Like I have this enormous weight pressing down on me. Keeping me from filling my lungs.
A friend of mine sent this to me last night:
The crushing mountain of sorrow eventually becomes a boulder on your back, then a rock in your pocket, then a pebble in your shoe, then nothing at all- not because circumstances change but because you become strong enough to handle reality with ease.
I hope this is true. But right now, this is one giant fucking mountain of sorrow. I cant breathe, I cant eat, I cant seem to feel human. My heart aches and my head is swimming.
I just want it all to go away.