Sunday, February 22, 2009

Eh, big deal..

So, today is CD1. Not that it really matters. I wont be making my phone call bright and early to the RE's office tomorrow to report day one. I wont be headed into Hartford to have my love box violated by the dildo cam. I wont be starting injections. I wont be having blood work done. There will be none of that. None. Because we're "on a break" from fertility treatments. When this break will be over, I honestly cant even say. I'm hoping not to very long. But who knows. Meh.

I'm glad to be done with the birth control, thats for sure. Seriously. This break through bleeding shit, sucks donkey balls. I'm so over it. Done I tell you! Again, not that it matters. I have been feeling very, very pessimistic lately. About what you ask? Well, just about damn near everything. This whole TTC thing for starters. Its officially been over 18 months. And nada. No baby. In the time I have been trying, so many people I know have had babies or gotten pregnant. Not me though. Nothing. Nothing except surgeries and invasive messes. If those things had resulted in a baby, I'd be super OK with it. But they didn't. And therefore I'm not. I'm not OK.
I'm really not OK. Not OK with a lot. And I don't know how to fix things.

Oh, and PS....my car is about to die. Tranny is going. For those of you that have been reading along, my husbands car died not to long ago. We still havent recovered from that purchase. Dont know how long it will make it. Might last another day. Could be a couple of months. Another game of hurry up and wait. I dont know what I'll do when it DOES go.

My life needs some serious changes. And I dont know where to start.

8 comments:

Megan said...

I'm so sorry. One day at a time I guess. I hope your car hangs on as long as possible...

'Murgdan' said...

*trying really hard to come up with some positive statement about all of this*

...but alas, no, this just sucks balls.

I'm so sorry. :-(

Megs said...

Really sorry about the car. Hope it hangs on as long as possible. It seems like the negatives always outweigh the positives in our wonderful journeys...

womb for improvement said...

Sorry hun.

Hope things start to get more positive soon.

Lea said...

That really sucks. All of it. I can totally understand your frustration. I hope it gets better soon. Hugs.

April said...

WHY is it that life seems to throw all the shit out at the SAME freakin' time? It's like it's hard enough to deal with ONE bad thing but piling on two or three more certainly makes it so much worse.
I'm so sorry you are having such a crappy time of it lately. I am keeping my fingers crossed that life throws you a bone in any form it can. You deserve a break!!

Courtney said...

When it rains it pours!!

Casey said...

Did you get any newsy news about the tranny? My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with mine. It just slides into the f-ing road for no f-ing reason, right?